‘Death, is the end of a journey.

Suicide, is quitting the journey.’


“Rubert, today I’d like to discuss suicide and death. All humans know that their time on earth is limited and that one day they will die. However, some of us actually choose when to end our journey through suicide.  Since we have already discussed accidents and illness in reference to dying, I’d like to extend our dialogue to asking you about what happens when we end our life rather than wait for it to end”

            “Suicide is different from merely ending your journey because it is you who stops it. When a person commits suicide, he is not ending a journey that he has planned but actually quitting from completing it. When you die from natural causes, it means your chosen journey of experience came to an end, and that it is time to return home. Just like when playing any board game, you take your turns around the board and always with the goal of returning home.  Now, it may take two plays before you are out or twenty, but the starting and ending point is always home base. Death has the same principle, you do not remain on the board, once the game has ended and the rounds played.

            Suicide is just opting to stop playing altogether; the player has simply chosen mid way to quit playing. Before we go any further I want you to understand that suicide, as every experience on earth, has various meanings and circumstances. Since there are no laws or punishments against any experience, the Soul can choose a very particular and personal way to deal with the after-suicide. I will, in this chapter, give you a few examples on what goes on after the act, but also understand that it is a vast subject.

            The individual who takes his life, in essence destroyed his token – his body. He has now locked himself in time, meaning he no longer knows the day or year or have any reference towards time, as you know it and he used to know it. He is now in between two dimensions the physical, which enables him to see the people he has left behind, and the one occupied by what you know as ghosts. He has now become a ghost himself. At first he may not understand that he is dead.  After committing suicide one may not end up next to his physical body upon the act. This may be very confusing. His emotions may tend to amplify; everything may seem out of his control. He cannot do or touch anything in either world, since he has actively ended his time before it was due to end.  All he can do is wait. Waiting in this sphere can be painful for him, subconsciously painful, particularly since he does not know what he is waiting for. As he waits, he will be able to see the life he has rejected unfolding before his eyes. He may also feel the pain he has created to those who loved him. Since he is locked in time, he can, not only see what was supposed to be his future, but also what has led him to committing the suicidal act. Until he comes to a conscious understanding of what he did, he will remain locked in this realm. However, his Soul knows that even this is an opportunity for learning and evolving.

            As Souls we all work at enhancing our evolutionary experiences. We volunteer at trading places with each other so that we can feel, learn and experience all that is. By committing suicide, one has also created Karma, a consequence to himself as well as, to the others traveling in his circle during this time. The pain he has brought upon the people who loved him may now be felt by him. Keep in mind that all you begin requires completion; therefore in a future life he may be the one going through the pain felt by someone loved that commits suicide.  This is a different lived experience, a different kind of ending, one where the act is committed as Karma to the person who did it first and caused suffering. In this case the act of suicide is assisted and the return home is totally different. The act in this case is not considered suicide but a balance of experience – a karmic balance and completion.  This death, which appears to be a suicide, is considered a natural death because that is how the game was supposed to be played out by the person. The spiritual dimension is open to him and all his guides are present to help him through its end.”

“I understand that every experience that begins will have an end. However, why does it have to be so difficult for the person who quits the game, who commits suicide when that wasn’t part of his planned journey? If all is experience and all is needed, why does one have to be locked in time and actually suffer through the process?”

            “Our painful emotional memories Antonio do not die as easily as our physical body. However, suffering, as I have told you before, is but an illusion. An illusion, however, that serves a higher purpose. Being locked in time still serves a purpose. It is a time for self-awareness and the reason why the Soul accepts it. Being able to somewhat see and feel in these realms, all one has left behind can be a very effective teaching tool. Now as a ghost, the ‘person’ needs this time to digest the experience ‘he’ has created for ‘himself’. Locked in this time and state and experiencing the burden of the suicide experience will be permanently imprinted in that Soul, and hence the experience of suicide will no longer require repetition in other lives.”

“Perhaps this is a strange question but does suicide affect our spirit guides – would my suicide affect you in anyway?”

            “It does, especially if it was not part of the initial plan. Being with you is living with you. Experiencing with you is evolving with you. Before you came here we met and planned out how your life was going to go, what you wanted to get from it, then you quit.  We would have to meet again and review and discuss what went wrong – what led you to end the journey before its completion.”

“What if the person remains a ghost, then when does this discussion happen or is it happening in that realm that as a ghost he is stuck in?”

            “No one remains a ghost, we all make it back home. Just as a said earlier, being stuck in that realm will make you realize, past, present and future – acknowledge what you have done. The meeting we will have concerning your choice of experience will be done at home – Spiritual realm. Since the astral body is still connected to emotion, the meeting would be linked to that very emotion, therefore not effective.”

“Is the act of suicide ever condemned by our guides or counselors?”

            “Again those words refer to human judgments – there is no judgment in the spiritual realm. We review the act of suicide along with you, because it is extremely necessary that you recognize what has happened and what you have created. At the very least you will conclude that you missed out on learning a lesson or experience by ending the journey, which only means you will have to come back to live that lifetime out again.  In the end you will know that choosing to end the journey only means postponing it. You will have to go through that life all over again because you have changed the course of things and created interference with other Souls. To the Soul’s eye, incarnation, although necessary is also a burden, especially when you need to repeat and redo.”

“When you say, relive that life all over again, do you mean the entire thing or just what has been missed?”

            “Again, it is not the same for everyone, there are many details to one’s experience. There are times when you do have to live a full and long life to settle your dues. However, other times a life of 7 or 9 years may be sufficient to complete the cycle.”

“So, that is the reason why some of our children die at a very young age?”

            “One of the reasons, for even that has different meanings and purpose.”

“What about suicide that is committed in groups of people?”

            “That is a group of souls that have volunteered to come to earth to create a consciousness awakening. The intention behind these acts, however, can be quite confusing and rarely speak the truth they were set in place to do so.  Your society will tend to focus on the drama of the event, call it cult related or refer to it as a psychosis of some sort. Still, some of you in the Light see through these inaccurate explanations.”

“What kind of a consciousness awakening can come out of a group suicide?”

            “Anything that happens in multitudes creates a thought wave of alert and concern. Because the majority of you live in the fear of dying, when a group suicide happens, you more openly tend to want to discuss and discover the cause – it causes much pondering and reflection. The community, including your political leaders, suddenly become concern and open discussions about moral and social values, principles and beliefs. All this dialogue can not help but to bring you closer to awareness.”

“What about those people who commit suicide because they’re living with terminal diseases or great physical impairments?”

            “Terminal illnesses or severe physical impairments, as we have already discussed, are paths chosen by the Soul, that is to say that the Soul chose to come here to experience life with the disease or impairment to serve them a desired purpose. If these individuals commit suicide to terminate such an experience, it is more than likely an option they built into their plan to end their suffering. In this case those Souls will not feel regret or be stuck in the in-between realm waiting because they did not quit a journey they planned it to end in this way.”

“What about those individuals that just decide to quit their journey because of much suffering and fail in their attempt, then again keep trying to commit suicide over and over again, but still fail each time? We do have hotlines for many of those individuals – what about them, why don’t they, for lack of a better word, die?”

            “Well Antonio, a lot of these individuals are susceptible to the lower astral realm where confusion and ignorance lie. That realm contains within it negativity, regret, anxiety.  That negative energy can become attached to those of you suffering difficult times, as in, those of you in the tender suicidal state. Those Souls trapped in that realm can become attached to you and provoke you towards several attempts.  These Souls are not ‘bad’ or ‘mean’ by nature, they just do not know any better.  They are lost in their own ignorance, confusion and lack of awareness, waiting for their own enlightenment; that is why they are trapped in that realm to begin with.  All energies affect you, Antonio, and when some of you feel extremely ‘tender’ because of very challenging experiences in your lives, you have the ability to attract the energy from this realm.  However, because your own Soul’s journey does not include this suicide experience as part of its life plan, you keep failing. As Guides who accompany you through your pleasures and woes, we stand close to you protecting you from succumbing too much to this negative energy, but at times even our own presence is not enough and when after several times the attempt becomes successful, then that simply means that you will once again have to come back to finish the journey.”

“Some of the people who don’t die and come back talk about seeing beauty and feeling serene, is this why they keep trying to go back?”

            “That is what some of them see, but not exactly what they will get upon rupture of the silver cord. What they see and feel in the state of coma is not necessarily what will happen, for they are still alive and connected to their physical body. Care must be taken, for those who are motivating you towards the act may also be tempering with what you think you are seeing.”

“Are there exceptions?”

            “There are, but may I suggest that anyone in this state of consciousness should seek help. There are social groups, trained psychologists, spiritual healers and exorcists able and willing to liberate you from an obscure moment and undesired presence, that may lead you to suicide.”

“You mention a silver cord, what is that exactly?”

            “The silver cord is what transmits the vital flux of energy to the physical body. It is what links the spirit to the flesh. First there is the spirit, then the astral body, then the connection (silver cord) and finally the physical body. When the silver cord is broken, the physical body is no longer in contact with the first two bodies. Therefore, returns to the earth.”    

“I see. What about ancient Samurais who practiced Hara-kiri – rituals of Seppuku, how are these forms of suicide perceived?”

            “Although Hara-kiri is thought of and looked upon as suicide, it is not. You all have included in your life plan, not only a time to die, but a manner by which to take your leave. The choice of living as a samurai is one, which involves the experience of the harshest discipline. Samurais hold the right to live and the right to die by their own hands. This is part of the experience of being a Samurai. It is that journey.  The experience involves the realization of supreme detachment from physical life – one of the many experiences of choosing to live as a Samurai.

Questions about accidents, suicides, deaths all relate to the essence of what you are all looking for, a real answer to the question – ‘why am I here, what is the meaning of my life’. I have already given you the answers to those questions. Once humanity connects with its spiritual self – it will unite in spreading the word that is the Light.

The path to finding your journey, your reason for living, lies in reflection and meditation, in acceptance of what is. As you do so, your fears will be replaced by assurance that death is but the end of the journey away from home – the end of the dream you call life.”

“Even so Rubert, death can be terrifying because of the many painful ways we have seen it occur.”

            “Yet, many choose it at will in the form of suicide. Those who are sensitive about physical death should acknowledge that, what is happening on the inside might be quite different from what is happening on the outside. As I have mentioned before, there is a limit to what the physical body can endure. The Soul will always protect the senses by putting the body in an unconscious state. However, those watching or evaluating the ‘horrifying drama’ will have the time to acknowledge and to consciously play out in their minds how it felt. All comes in the form of evolutionary lessons. All serves a personal and social purpose. That ‘horrifying death’, although appearing negative, may have a very positive impact on society. ‘If they are horrifying, perhaps they should be avoided.’ It was not too long ago that you witnessed the condemned being hanged after church on Sundays. After reevaluating the death penalty, you abolished it. You are learning and you can make things better!

Antonio, going home is always a pleasant feeling, especially if you are completely and totally unconditionally loved, and that is how it will be for all of you when your journey is finished and you return home. Still, that is not why those who commit suicide want to go back.  The reason remains the same; they want to quit their journey. Suicide, or quitting the journey, sometimes feels like the only way to stop immense pain. Everyone at one time or another has considered suicide. Yet, not all of you have attempted it.  Some of you attempt it and fail and then stop. Others attempt it and succeed.  I have already told you the possible reasons for a person to continually attempt to end his life, but did it ever occur to you to ask why after so many attempts, this person might fail to succeed in ending his life? If your soul has already experienced suicide in another life, then it will do everything in its power not to repeat the experience – it won’t permit you to use suicide as a means to end your journey.  This is the arrangement you have made with yourself before you came here.  This is why most of you will think about it and won’t do it; this is why some of you fail at the attempt repeatedly.  However, sometimes the pull from the lower astral is strong and your Soul gives up trying to remind you that this is not how you should exit the game.  Your Soul is aware that you will have to repeat the lessons of this lifetime either way, that is why it is there making sure you fail the first time at suicide.  When the Soul let’s you have your way, it is only because it knows that you really want to leave, and as we have spoken about over and over again – in the end you have the free will to do so.

As there is a reason and a purpose to illness, also, there is to death. Illnesses are awareness calls, and recuperation from them, the end result of reflection and enlightenment.  Lapses into illness and even death are the result of staying unaware of what must be done in your life.  Suicides can be clauses of your karmic payment contract or a planned journey of experience – there is reason and purpose.  There is always a plan, a higher truth a bigger picture – of which only our Soul and God is privy to.”

“Rubert, before we end this chapter I need you to shed some light on your last words. You said that my Soul allows me to have my way, what do you mean; am I not my Soul?”

“Yes, as you are your body and mind. Let us say that you acquire a horse as a means for transportation, but, for whatever reason, the horse refuses to follow your commands. You keep dispensing command, pulling the reigns, voicing out loud directions. Still, the horse ignores you and saunters or gallops anyway it chooses, regardless of your wishes, commands, directives. What do you end up doing if your voice is unheard? You let the horse have its way, you just let him go!”

[The truth is, no one wants to kill himself, what they want to do is kill an emotion – a pain!]

Antonio L. Santos, 2001.

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